3/31/06

The No Dog Left Behind Act...

Florida Lawmakers are at it again, ensuring our biggest needs are taken care of with due diligence. No, not our lagging education system, nor is it our highly inadequate transportation initiatives, or anything else we might deem to be important. Under a new Bill, the Florida legislature is about to ensure that your loveable pooch gets the proper socializing skills it deserves. Thanks to the measures of Republican Representative Sheri McInvale of Orlando, you may soon be able to dine in outdoor seated areas with your dog at your feet. Apparently both House Republicans and Democrats have nothing better to do considering the alleged bipartisan support the measure has received. But don’t panic yet, the Bill would clearly define which outdoor areas would qualify and would require servers to wash their hands after petting any dogs (Maybe we’ll get to see more of those great bathroom diagrams pop-up in out door seating areas as well.) I’ll have the prime rib and bring Fifi a Perrier and a can of Alpo…

3/29/06

You say Potato, I say Brickell Ave

The hot topic of the day is the renaming of Brickell Ave to include parts of the avenue north of the River along NE 2nd Ave. Historians disagree with the measure, saying it will contradict the feuds between the Brickells and Julia Tuttle/Henry Flagler. It’s just a name people! Not a History lesson embedded in asphalt! It’s a name that will bring more prestige to the whole area and hopefully more offices and companies to our central business district. The Brickell Avenue name will NOT be diluted, but will further promote the type of growth that this city needs. Our version of 5th Avenue or Michigan Avenue needs to stretch across our city bringing further businesses and prestige to our region...

3/28/06

Protecting Our Stupid Selves

Not that I don't find it horrific that a little girl was run over by a careless driver, the response of her parents further adds insult to injury here. We see the need to protect ourselves from being stupid, with congressmen now calling for motion sensors and cameras to be placed on the back of cars and SUVs (doesn't congress have bigger ordeals on their hands right now, or is this part of a new home-land security bill they are working on?). Yes, lets place costly sensors and cameras on our already over-priced, gas guzzling, and beyond enormous (That is, the original problem here) SUVs, to save some lives when we can all just become more careful drivers for free...It's a quick fix solution to the general population's stupidity. Since when did turning your head around to look behind you before backing up become such a big inconvenience that we have to install a monitor in the dashboard to display whatever is behind us? I propose a bill where we would wrap all 2-year olds in cellophane when going on walks down the street with their absent minded mothers...